i'm really not interested in going outside, but i'm on a mission to find a coat. i realized after buying a dress for my sister's wedding, that finding the perfect fit takes time. i'm learning not to get discouraged even though it frustrates the hell of me.
mine was. i spent time with my fam and then visited a friend. i am very thankful for my friends and family. they've come through for me so much this year.
anyway, that's all i wanted to say. i've got a piece of my mama's sweet potato pie waiting for me.
not a lot is going on otherwise. i may have some pictures to post soon. until then...blessings.
currently working on putting together a style tray for my home decorating project. i'm starting in my living room and want really bold, colorful pillows for my burgundy couch. this pillow caught my attention, but it's way out of my price range. i figure i should try and make them myself, joann's and found this lovely print. let me tell you, i could have spent the whole evening in their home decor department. there's a lot of fabulousness waiting to go home with me.
slowly coming up with a plan to decorate my home. i'm not allowed to paint, so i'm going to add some spice to my space by using color. i'm itching to spend some cash, but i have to be patient (and responsible!) and work on it slowly.
anyway, not much has been going on. i've just been focusing on cycles, rituals, and routines. getting organized (which seems to be a never ending process).
i hate perfume-i would really love to have this guy make a scent for me. i found his site via the 'ask a shop clerk' column in ny mag. i spent an hour just reading the faq's. i love how his mind works. he's a true artist indeed.
thinking: my introduction to allure magazine while in highschool. i always loved reading the editor's beauty picks. i also dreamed of using kiehl's products (kiehl's always seemed to be mentioned in there somewhere). i still do.
i want flawless skin.
reading: Pour Your Heart into It: How Starbucks Built a Company One Cup at a Time-a friend recommended it to me for business building tips, but it's really got me interested in exploring the world of coffee and coffee drinking.
making: toddler mitts. i'm using every bit of my stash and i love it.
ribbed stole-i wanted to have this done for the saul william's show on the 13th, but i seemed to have misplaced a skein of lamb's pride. don't you hate when stuff just disappears? i'm sure it will pop up when i stop looking for it.
i'm a sucka for: lip balm. my newest fave is melaleuca's sun shades lip balm in vanilla bean. it's got a great smell, it gives your lips a nice, tingly feeling (if you're into that sort of thing), and it actually moisturizes your lips.
taking time out to give thanks. i'm amazed at how at peace i feel. there's still a lot of stress in my life, but i feel light...not worried. always in transition...
i just bought sew u, a new book from built by wendy designer wendy mullin. i love it. so far, the instructions are easy to understand and she includes a lot of helpful tips AND three of her simplicity patterns. i have spent the week actively getting to know my sewing machine. i'm going to clean it up and oil it this weekend (i've had my machine 3 years and have never done that).
fall is in the air. i'm in the process of finishing all of my unfinished projects (4 baskets worth). it's going slower than i'd like, but i'm just happy to be working on them.
i'm off to eat some dinner. love.
anyway, i've been busy decluttering my house. i always try and declutter, but get overwhelmed in the middle of it. so, in the end i never finish. but i've got a system now and it's working!
been thinking about a lot of things...the plight of the single mama, love, relationships, who i am, etc. life is...blessed.
it's already august. where has the summer gone? i've been reflecting on my summer and honestly, it's been lackluster and downright sad.
i've got this feeling inside of me. like i'm about to explode. ya ever have that feeling where you want something so badly, that you feel like you'll burst if it doesn't happen? that's how i feel, but i just don't know how to make that feeling manifest itself.
friday night i was cleaning out my closet and found over a 100 hats that i've made over the last few years. i also found two bags of unfinished projects that need to be put in my shop. i started an afghan with all of my scraps about a year ago. it was suppose to be a housewarming gift to myself for getting the apartment i'm currently living in. i never came close to finishing it and just threw it in a box. so i rediscovered that during my cleaning spree too. i've been working on it all weekend and it's been a nice change of pace. i just crochet until the yarn is gone and then i change colors/textures. some rows have 3-4 colors in them. working on it has been freeing...a brain dump even.
have a blessed monday. peace.
i recently bought jenny hart's stitch-it kit. embroidery is something i've been wanting to learn for a long time now. i've been actively working on a pattern for a couple of days now and it's been a long, painstaking process. i think i'm doing okay though.
i also bought the mason-dixon knitting book. i really like the book because it exhibits family and community. plus, i never thought in a million years i'd be excited to knit dishcloths. i'm trying to conserve my use of paper towels so the dishcloths will come in handy.
anyway, i'm doing my best to stay busy and keep a smile on my face. have a great weekend.
my tummy's rumbling. why is it that if i eat breakfast before i go to work, i'm starvin' like marvin two hours later? that's what's going on now. i've been working on my morning routine this week...get up on time, do my morning pages, make breakfast, pack my lunch (i'm bringing lunch to work too), get me and the little one dressed, and head off to work. so far, so good.
i took lil miss to the forest fair and we had a great time. i ran into some vendors i had met last year that i was happy to see. one couple in particular is living their life the exact same way i've envisioned in my head. one thing i have to be better about is making contacts and keeping in touch with them. sharon (the wife) saw me and right away she was telling me how much she thought of me over the last year. thing is, i had been thinking of her as well. i believe ppl are brought into our lives for a reason, so i'll do my best to keep in touch with her this time around.
my sister is getting married next month. it's been hella stressful for everyone and i'm looking forward to the big day. the wedding will be at the space needle in seattle. i've been slacking on my exercise and diet routine (weight loss has plateaued sp?) so i'm back in the gym. my goal is to lose 10 lbs. before the big day. 2 lbs. a week...i can do that.
more later. bless.
this is how much i've done on the ribbed stole so far. i was getting a little discouraged at first because knitting 208 sts takes forever. it took me 5 hours to get 2 1/2 inches. anyway, i'm cruising along now and get to change to the next color (need one more inch- woohoo!).
the forest fair is this weekend and i'm going. this will be the first year that i've gone as a spectator. i decided in march that i would not have a booth this year. it was a hard decision to make, but once i did a ton of bricks had been lifted from my shoulders. selling wares and managing a booth is hard work. a sista just wants to relax. anyway, i'm bringing lil miss and the trip will be a mini getaway. i can't wait to breathe the mountain air and see some old friends.
currently in love with the new danger. the block party has contributed to my current mos def marathon. i want to see and hear all things by this man.
i'm chuggin along on the ribbed stole. also working on some new hat designs. b-flywears is back in effect. i'm planning on a site relaunch in september. life is good.
i was checking out the craftster forum and found a thread with finished projects from teva durham's book. i have this book and love almost everything in it, but i realized i have a little problem. i never have the guts to try the more challenging knitting patterns. looking at the finished objects on craftster inspired me to give some of the patterns a try. i'm starting with the stole first because it's the only pattern in the book i have the right yarn for.
i guess i should go to bed. i bought a card reader for my camera, but my memory card doesn't fit. *sigh* back to the store i go. after i get some rest of course.
i fell off of my vegetarian diet for a minute, but i'm back on. planning to start the master cleanse aka lemonade diet next week. i'm going to go the full 10 days this time.
my herbs are growing beautifully, but i can't remember which herb is in the pots. dill is the only one i can identify. pictures soon (hopefully tonite!).
enjoy your day. peace.
 carrot juice is alright with me. yum! [/edit]
i bought dave chappelle's block party yesterday and have watched it three times since last evening. jill scott's performance brought me to tears...all three times. she's an amazing woman. i loved her performance of 'you got me' with erykah too. when i get home i'll watch it again!
my herbs are growing nicely in their pots. it's been rainy and a bit cold lately, but they're striving. i will eventually plant some flowers in the front of my house.
i've been finding a lot of sewing blogs lately. i am so inspired. i don't remember if i ever mentioned it here, but i've been wanting to sew so i bought sew easy. i completed the pillow project and was really pleased with how it came out. it took me five hours and i was stressed out during that time, but i'm thankful because now i know how my machine works. next time it won't take so long. i'm ready to make clothes for me and the little one now. the next thing i'm making is headbands. my locks are growing a lot and i can never find a scarf or headband when i need one.
i'm hoping to have some pictures posted soon (been having problems with my camera). blessings.
currently nursing a cold. i found a grocery store in town that sells lemons for 69 cents. that may sound like a lot, but i've been paying 99 cents for years now. ginger root tea with raw honey and lemon has healed my throat (i almost couldn't speak yesterday). i'm taking loads of vitamin c too.
...and the weather has been sweet. however, my weekend was hard emotionally. yesterday was really bad and i spent half of the day crying. my friends and i have been planning a double baby shower for a couple of our girls and it was supposed to be at my house (today), but i just wasn't up to having a bunch of folks in my house. after my meltdown, they all tried making me feel betta.
so that afternoon i met my girl neisha and we went to the saturday market. a lot folks bring their dogs to the market. so lil miss had a ball pointing every single one out. she had fun feeding her face too. i have to say that spending time in the sun and smiling at my child's sense of wonder made me feel a lot betta. i hooked up with my other friends later on that nite and ate the best meal. it's always nice to see my girls. everyone is so busy nowadays, so it's easy for me to feel disconnected and isolated. i've been trying not to isolate myself, but at the moment i kinda feel it's necessary. i just wanna be happy...feel good about me. ya know?
since i had a babyshower to go to, i had no gifts to give. so at 11pm last nite, i thought i could whip up some baby socks. man, WHAT WAS I THINKING?!! sure, i got a pair done in 3 hours, but after 1am my brain shut down. i always get too ambitious when it comes to gifting folks with handmade items. i never give myself enough time to make it and when i start i think i can do a hell of a lot more with the time i have (why did i think i could whip up 4 pairs of socks by 1am?) so i went to the shower with no gift. i have plenty of time now to get the gifts finished. both kids are due next month. i won't procrastinate any longer.
i'm currently on a mission to use up every skein of sock yarn i have. i think i have enough to make at least 20 pairs of socks. the socks i was working on last nite was made from fortissima colori socka color #2406. this yarn is fabulous! i found it to be really soft and easy on my fingers. i gotta have a pair of socks made from this yarn.
anyway, i'm trying hard to limit the time i spend on the internet so i can focus on house work (yuck!) and creating (which still isn't happening). it's slowly coming together. i hope everyone's weekend was filled with smiles and laughter.
i overheard lil miss having a conversation with another girl last nite. it amazes me to see how much she's learned since being born. she will be turning three next month. i decided to have a party for her and all she can talk about is eating her birhtday cake. i'm grateful to have her as apart of our family. can i get her potty trained? that's a whole 'nutha blog post.
i'm currently on a mission to get rid of all the clutter in my house. i am also cleaning (like scrubbing floors type of clean) and reorganizing every closet and drawer. i've got a zillion magazines that i need to get rid of. what should i do with them? i thought about taking pictures i like and decoupaging a box or two. i don't know. i'm taking suggestions.
i know this blog has been lacking pictures, but i have been having problems with my camera lately. i'm not able to transfer pictures to my computer for some reason.
anyway i've come to the conclusion that i will have to get another job so i can get a handle on my debt. it's something i've been avoiding for a long time, but now it's a make or break situation now.
affirmation for today: i've got the skills to pay the bills!!
i got pulled over this morning by the finest piece of tall chocolate i have seen in a long while.
the whole situation was funny to me...after i dropped lil miss off at the sitter's, i was cruisin through the neighborhood feeling GOOD. the sun was shining, it was already 60 degrees (this was 8am), and i was looking and feeling really cute. sizzla was blasting in the ride and i was groovin'........and going about 60 mph on a 30 mph street. it wasn't intentional. i just have a lead foot sometimes when i'm driving (i need a freeway or two in my life-or maybe i should get into race car driving). while i'm groovin', i see the unmarked police car chillin on the side of the road. man, me and dude were looking right at each other (with our sunglasses on). as i got closer to him i was like "oh snap!" "he's going to pull me over." sho' nuff he did. he didn't even pull out of his spot right away. he just flashed his lights and that was that. all i could do was laugh. i knew i was speeding (not that much though, honestly). when he came to my window i had my license and registration ready. i greeted him with one of my big smiles and said, "good morning".
he was really nice (those lips...my goodness those lips!). he probably thought i was the biggest goof. i'm thankful because he gave me a warning on the speed. however, he didn't let me off completely because didn't have my insurance card handy (i know i have because i saw it in my purse the other day). so i did get a ticket for that. $110 is sooooo much better than $230, ya think? anyway, i thanked him and slooooooowly drove off.
my day was great after that. how was yours?
currently reading maya angelou's autobiography (all four books). she's such an amazing woman. i'm inspired by her.
also reading the artist's way. i'm working on week 1 and i already want to close the book and never look at it again. one of the questions i'm working on is:
time travel: list three old enemies of your creative self-worth. please be as specific as possible. Your historic monsters are the building blocks of your core negative beliefs....
needless to say, i've been a little stuck.
my socks are coming along nicely. i've already chosen the person i'm giving them too. i'll make sure to take pictures of them before they head off to cold bay, alaska.
have you listened to gnarls barkley yet?
our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. it is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. we ask ourselves, who am i to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?
actually, who are you not to be? you are a child of god. your playing small doesn't serve the world. there's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. we were born to make manifest the glory of god that is within us. it's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. as we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
-marianne williamson (a return to love 1992)
i gotta read this book.
"art is innate in the artist, like an instinct that seizes and makes a tool out of the human being. the thing in the final analysis that wills something in him is not he, the personal man, but the aim of the art."
this man's name has been popping up a lot in the last couple of weeks. the latest was in a magazine. think i need to research him and see what he's about.
i started knitting a sock today. i'm hoping this will trigger any ounce of creativity i have left in my body.
i just know that i'm tired of being tired. getting up in the morning is such a chore. i would rather stay within the comfort of my bed, than to go out into the world. i'm fighting that feeling though. i'm doing my best not to become a hermit.
creatively, i'm stuck. i want so badly to get my business of the ground again, but i am not inspired to make anything. maybe i'm done and b-flywears is a thing of the past. and maybe this is a cue for me to try something different. i don't know.
i have been trying my hand at gardening. i'm growing some herbs and various flowers the kids picked out. and i'm reading too...a lot.
i gotta find some sort of peace. clarity. i'm so not focused right now and it's killing me.
oh i forgot to mention...through all of the mess, i have been going to the gym faithfully. i've lost 8 lbs. so far and my arms are getting toned (biceps baby!). it's been slow moving, but i am noticing a difference in my body.
i have some gmail invites available...more than i know what to do with actually. if ya interested give me your e.mail addy and i'll send you one.
y'all i am on a mission to lose 75lbs. yep, ya read correctly...75lbs. when i tell ppl that, all i hear is "that's a lot" or "are you sure that's not too much?" well, it took me 8 years to put on all of this weight, so it's time to get rid of it. my health is on the line and i'm tired of looking at a closet full of clothes that don't fit (really cute clothes!). i re-joined the gym yesterday...got my sweat on today. it's most definitely on!!
babygirl is turning 13 on sunday. it's trippin me out man. lil miss is talking a mile a minute. she brings smiles to our face everyday.
check out twinkie chan. her crocheted scarves are bananas (lol!).
right now, it's all about:
my cypress hair oil
lil miss singing "orange moon"
downward facing dog
think and grow rich
this picture was taken in downtown anchorage at town square. a friend of mine was visiting from new york and we thought it'd be cool to take our girls to see the ice sculptures. we got there and was disappointed because due to unseasonably warm weather, the sculptures had begun to melt and all of the snow on the walking paths had turned to ice. it wasn't safe for us to walk on, so we took pictures of the girls. little miss was excited to be out (as you can see).
i'm still not feeling my best. parenting can really suck and i'm not enjoying having a "tween-er" in the house right now. a sista is stressed. so much so that today, i got a migraine and a pinching pain right in the middle of my chest. everytime i moved it got tighter. that's not cool at all. also, my back has really been giving me the blues. i've got pain and numbness going down into my legs and feet. i've had a problem with my back for at least 5 years, but it's gotten progressively worse in the last year. i'm getting an m.r.i. on friday. i can't wait because i really want to find out the source of my pain. i also realize i need to manage my stress, so i'm thinking about trying yoga.
i'm knitting. currently working on the baby cable rib (i love this stitch!) poncho from weekend knits. i recently bought some blue sky alpaca for a hat i'm going to give to a coworker. he has lung cancer and is undergoing chemo therapy. he is very open about what's he's going thru and has a very positive outlook about it. i overheard him tell another coworker his hair was starting to fall out. i figured he could use a hat since the days have been pretty cold. he's helped me a lot since i've started in the office and i'd like to show him my appreciation.
have a good week all.
the new job is going well so far. i am familiar with a lot of the ppl i work with because i sent them plenty of emails while in my other position. now i get to put a face with a name. my boss is awesome (she's an old coworker). she's giving me the freedom to do things my way which is liberating and unsettling at the same time. it's unsettling because i've spent the last six years doing things the way someone else wanted and it will take some time for me to stop doing my previous routine. it's cool. i'm happy and excited about what's to come.
i have been feeling very unattractive lately. my hair isn't behaving, it looks like i've put on anutha 10 lbs.(arrrrrrrrrrggggghhhh!!!!!), and my face keeps breaking out (i've been battling adult acne(WTF!)since i was 26-but it's gotten really bad since december). sigh. a sista needs a make-over...a little pampering. i'm sure i'll wake up tomorrow and feel like the sexiest thing alive.
the sun has been shining so much lately. i want it to be spring right now.
most definitely overwhelmed at work. tomorrow is my last day and i still have a lot of work to do. i just started cleaning my area yesterday. i already know tomorrow will be a 'goof off' day simply because my coworkers are taking me to lunch and after that i will be between both offices moving my things. i can't wait to get settled.
man, the state of hiphop music today is really pitiful. i've known this for a while, but after not listening to the radio for a few months i thought i see what's been playing lately. why does the local radio station think it's appropriate to play a song that says, "i wanna hit that cat girl, hit that cat girl...i think i wanna lick that cat" during a time when young children can hear it?! i was like, 'awww hell nah, turn that mess off!" my daughter isn't surprised by my reaction cuz i'm constantly lecturing her about the lack of good music on the airwaves nowadays. i love hiphop, but conscious hiphop. hiphop, reggae, afrobeat, soul, and jazz are played in my house. well, i gotta add punk to the mix too cuz that's what babygirl is into now (lawd give me strength!). i think i might issue a complaint to the radio station.
have you seen the new interweave? this issue has made me want to start designing again. i'm going to treat myself to the caftan pullover and the sunrise circle jacket. it's been a long time since i made something for myself.
enjoy your day/evening.
first let me say rest in peace jay dee. i believe he changed the face of music and will surely be missed.
this morning i woke up and the sun was shining thru my window. i love that the days are getting longer and they aren't so dark anymore. the girls and i are going to have lunch with a friend and then we may head downtown and check out the ice sculptures. i just want to get outside since the temps have warmed up drastically.
a sista is currently without internet service, so posts may be few and far between the next couple of weeks.
peace & blessings.
getting my new job!
smell goods from black phoenix alchemy lab
lil miss telling me about her day
back exercises (a sista has been in some serious pain)
opening to spirit
singing as loud as i possibly can
khoret amen shampoo!
getting a new tattoo
the artist's way
TOFU (i've made 10 different marinades in the last two weeks!)
isaac and project runway
over the weekend i was channel surfing and landed on the sundance channel. a documentary about the life of john henrik clarke caught my attention. this man was phenomenal!!! i couldn't leave the tv because he was sharing so much information from african history, to malcolm x, to the million man march. i have to own this movie. my children need to watch this movie. you need to watch this movie! lol.
anyway lil miss is recovering well. my day started off crazy. i drank some really good chamomile tea and found i had slept so hard that i didn't hear the alarm go off. i woke up feeling hung over. lil miss had an 8am appt with her dr. and we didn't get out of the house until 8. i'm wondering what was in that tea. maybe i just needed the rest?
i have been knitting. i made indeed (picture below) a scarf like the one i made for my bro. i used the colors of chocolate, tan, oregano (a nice green), and a kureyon w/ the colors tan/brown/cream/lavendar. it's really nice. i think i have enuff to make a hat too. all i want to make these days are scarves. big, soft, cozy scarves long enuff to wrap up in. i've been getting a lot of use out of my seed stitch rebecca sweater. i can wear short sleeves under it and the cold air doesn't get through. there's something about the seed stitch that provides a barrier of sorts. gotta use that stitch more often.
...i had to reschedule the interview because lil miss came home with a fever last nite. i took her to the dr. this morn and found out she has a mild case of pneumonia in her left lung. that little girl has had a host of respiratory problems since she was six months old. while i, her mama cries at the thought of seeing her suffer, she's either laughing, singing, and sometimes dancing while i know she doesn't feel good. i don't know how she does it.
it's still cold, but i can't whine about it any longer. the folks in fairbanks (375 miles north from anchorage) currently has temps of -51 degrees.
i give thanks for my family, friends, and my bright eyed little girl.
i'm tired of being cold. i frozen to the marrow when i walk outside (it's in below zero temps right now) and i'm my hands, legs, and feet are frozen in the office. this shit sucks!!
btw-i got an interview lined up for that job tomorrow. i'm amped.
peace, love, and WARMTH!
one of my goals for the year is to finally learn how to sew. i've had a sewing machine for almost three years and have only used it to sew linings into my purses. i've always dreamt of making my own clothes and now i'm going to do it. to help with this new endeavor, i bought sew easy. the packaging got my attention. it's like a box that opens like a book. one side holds the book and the other side holds 12 project cards. i'm going to make the tote bag and a pillow. that should be easy, right? i went to joann's yesterday and almost lost my mind picking out the fabrics and getting the tools i needed. i told the cashier that sewing could easily be my next obsession. it's bad enough i have my own mini yarn store in my house. i'll have to start making room for fabric now. :o)
i'm feeling quite optimistic these days. i'm reading opening to spirit again. this time around i'm seeing things i didn't see before. since i'm also on a mission to work through my fear issues, i have applied for a job where if i get it, i would be doing something completely different from what i am doing now AND i would be making more money. i was a nervous wreck all last week (the job closed on friday) and kept talking myself out of it, but i did it. i've got so many ppl rallying behind me too. it's kinda sad that my family, friends, and coworkers see so much in my abilities and i don't. it's definitely time to change all of that.
my brother asked for a scarf for christmas. since i am on a mission to reduce my stash, i went to my "wall of yarn" and pulled every color blue i could find. he sent me five wonderful pictures modeling the scarf. the fotos seemed to have sparked something inside of me.
i'm feeling crafty. how 'bout you?
i was tagged by kelly. i'm not sure if these things are weird, but here it goes:
1. cold citrus fruits makes me moan-yes ladies and gentleman, butta.fly has major fruitgasms. i don't know what it is. oooh, and don't let the fruit be organic too. whew lawd! i'm sweatin just thinkin about it. i can't eat an ice cold orange at the office anymore.
2. rubbing my feet together makes me fall asleep-while lying on the couch watching the boob tube, i will rub my feet together...mostly because they're cold, but it's soothing for some reason and i always fall asleep. i recently found out my aunt does the same thing.
3. i like to eat pineapple out of the can-cold pineapple in a can doesn't have the same effect as fresh, cold, pineapple (see #1), but eating pineapple out of the can resembles a sort of rebellion for me since my moms always thought it was uncouthe (sp?) and always yelled at me when i did it. the first thing i did when i got my first apartment was grab a can of dole pineapple. lol.
4. i always dance while i'm cooking-think salma hayek in fool's rush in. i just gotta throw on some afrobeat or reggae and it's on! of course nowadays, adara is in the kitchen too and we both get our dance on.
5. ...gotta think on this. shoot!
one night, my sister got the idea to fast from television for 40 days. this is what came from that.
happy new year. since my last post i have had more car issues and i had a birthday. 31. wow. i'm still trippin. i was completely excited to reach 30. i think my thirties will be a time of discovery in my life. a sista is still on a quest to find herself. more importantly though, to kill all the demons that linger in the back of my mind. i'm tired y'all. tired of being afraid. yeah los, if you're reading this....i'm still dealing. well, i guess i haven't been dealing...avoiding is more like it. anyway, i'm ready now...ready to reach my full potential. i said a prayer for guidance last nite. on my way to work this morning, the truck in front of me had a license plate that said PRAYW8. i smiled to myself was like, "alright".