i should be sleeping, but i'm watching block party again and knitting. i can't stop until i have my foundation rows finished. what am i working on? the loop-d-loop ribbed stole.

i was checking out the craftster forum and found a thread with finished projects from teva durham's book. i have this book and love almost everything in it, but i realized i have a little problem. i never have the guts to try the more challenging knitting patterns. looking at the finished objects on craftster inspired me to give some of the patterns a try. i'm starting with the stole first because it's the only pattern in the book i have the right yarn for.

i guess i should go to bed. i bought a card reader for my camera, but my memory card doesn't fit. *sigh* back to the store i go. after i get some rest of course.

currently trying carrot juice. i'm not sure how i feel about it yet.

i fell off of my vegetarian diet for a minute, but i'm back on. planning to start the master cleanse aka lemonade diet next week. i'm going to go the full 10 days this time.

my herbs are growing beautifully, but i can't remember which herb is in the pots. dill is the only one i can identify. pictures soon (hopefully tonite!).

enjoy your day. peace.

[edit] carrot juice is alright with me. yum! [/edit]

i am dying to have some fun. like crazy insane can't stop smiling and laughing 'til my stomach hurts fun.

i bought dave chappelle's block party yesterday and have watched it three times since last evening. jill scott's performance brought me to tears...all three times. she's an amazing woman. i loved her performance of 'you got me' with erykah too. when i get home i'll watch it again!

love love.

since my last post i have recovered from the cold i had, but now i'm dealing with allergies. lil miss has gotten some kind of stomach virus and has been vomitting for two days. it's been fun in the edwards household. i've managed to clean up my house a little and knit a pair of socks (for the little one). i'm hoping she gets betta before tomorrow. it's her birthday and i would love for her to be able to eat some birthday cake. she's been talking about it all week.

my herbs are growing nicely in their pots. it's been rainy and a bit cold lately, but they're striving. i will eventually plant some flowers in the front of my house.

i've been finding a lot of sewing blogs lately. i am so inspired. i don't remember if i ever mentioned it here, but i've been wanting to sew so i bought sew easy. i completed the pillow project and was really pleased with how it came out. it took me five hours and i was stressed out during that time, but i'm thankful because now i know how my machine works. next time it won't take so long. i'm ready to make clothes for me and the little one now. the next thing i'm making is headbands. my locks are growing a lot and i can never find a scarf or headband when i need one.

i'm hoping to have some pictures posted soon (been having problems with my camera). blessings.

today is a good day. i realized every day is a good day. why? because i have life, my children and family are healthy (my daddy just had his 69th bday on sunday), and i have everything i need. that's right. my life is full of abundance and i've been too busy feeling sorry for myself to see it. i see it now.

currently nursing a cold. i found a grocery store in town that sells lemons for 69 cents. that may sound like a lot, but i've been paying 99 cents for years now. ginger root tea with raw honey and lemon has healed my throat (i almost couldn't speak yesterday). i'm taking loads of vitamin c too.

blessings.

last nite, i planted more seeds...parsley, cilantro, and dill. i know what i did wrong before. these babies will not die this time.

and while planting those seeds, i realized i really enjoy planting and playing in the earth.

more later.

the sun is shining...

...and the weather has been sweet. however, my weekend was hard emotionally. yesterday was really bad and i spent half of the day crying. my friends and i have been planning a double baby shower for a couple of our girls and it was supposed to be at my house (today), but i just wasn't up to having a bunch of folks in my house. after my meltdown, they all tried making me feel betta.

so that afternoon i met my girl neisha and we went to the saturday market. a lot folks bring their dogs to the market. so lil miss had a ball pointing every single one out. she had fun feeding her face too. i have to say that spending time in the sun and smiling at my child's sense of wonder made me feel a lot betta. i hooked up with my other friends later on that nite and ate the best meal. it's always nice to see my girls. everyone is so busy nowadays, so it's easy for me to feel disconnected and isolated. i've been trying not to isolate myself, but at the moment i kinda feel it's necessary. i just wanna be happy...feel good about me. ya know?

since i had a babyshower to go to, i had no gifts to give. so at 11pm last nite, i thought i could whip up some baby socks. man, WHAT WAS I THINKING?!! sure, i got a pair done in 3 hours, but after 1am my brain shut down. i always get too ambitious when it comes to gifting folks with handmade items. i never give myself enough time to make it and when i start i think i can do a hell of a lot more with the time i have (why did i think i could whip up 4 pairs of socks by 1am?) so i went to the shower with no gift. i have plenty of time now to get the gifts finished. both kids are due next month. i won't procrastinate any longer.

i'm currently on a mission to use up every skein of sock yarn i have. i think i have enough to make at least 20 pairs of socks. the socks i was working on last nite was made from fortissima colori socka color #2406. this yarn is fabulous! i found it to be really soft and easy on my fingers. i gotta have a pair of socks made from this yarn.

anyway, i'm trying hard to limit the time i spend on the internet so i can focus on house work (yuck!) and creating (which still isn't happening). it's slowly coming together. i hope everyone's weekend was filled with smiles and laughter.

more later.

dance of the infidel is beautiful.

witnessed

i overheard lil miss having a conversation with another girl last nite. it amazes me to see how much she's learned since being born. she will be turning three next month. i decided to have a party for her and all she can talk about is eating her birhtday cake. i'm grateful to have her as apart of our family. can i get her potty trained? that's a whole 'nutha blog post.

i'm currently on a mission to get rid of all the clutter in my house. i am also cleaning (like scrubbing floors type of clean) and reorganizing every closet and drawer. i've got a zillion magazines that i need to get rid of. what should i do with them? i thought about taking pictures i like and decoupaging a box or two. i don't know. i'm taking suggestions.

i know this blog has been lacking pictures, but i have been having problems with my camera lately. i'm not able to transfer pictures to my computer for some reason.

anyway i've come to the conclusion that i will have to get another job so i can get a handle on my debt. it's something i've been avoiding for a long time, but now it's a make or break situation now.

affirmation for today: i've got the skills to pay the bills!!

love. light.

maaaaaannnn!

i got pulled over this morning by the finest piece of tall chocolate i have seen in a long while.

the whole situation was funny to me...after i dropped lil miss off at the sitter's, i was cruisin through the neighborhood feeling GOOD. the sun was shining, it was already 60 degrees (this was 8am), and i was looking and feeling really cute. sizzla was blasting in the ride and i was groovin'........and going about 60 mph on a 30 mph street. it wasn't intentional. i just have a lead foot sometimes when i'm driving (i need a freeway or two in my life-or maybe i should get into race car driving). while i'm groovin', i see the unmarked police car chillin on the side of the road. man, me and dude were looking right at each other (with our sunglasses on). as i got closer to him i was like "oh snap!" "he's going to pull me over." sho' nuff he did. he didn't even pull out of his spot right away. he just flashed his lights and that was that. all i could do was laugh. i knew i was speeding (not that much though, honestly). when he came to my window i had my license and registration ready. i greeted him with one of my big smiles and said, "good morning".

he was really nice (those lips...my goodness those lips!). he probably thought i was the biggest goof. i'm thankful because he gave me a warning on the speed. however, he didn't let me off completely because didn't have my insurance card handy (i know i have because i saw it in my purse the other day). so i did get a ticket for that. $110 is sooooo much better than $230, ya think? anyway, i thanked him and slooooooowly drove off.

my day was great after that. how was yours?

since i'm surrounding my self with positivity, that means my thoughts and words must be positive as well.

it's hard. i'm struggling right now.

using affirmations too. today it's: i am making my life beautiful!


blessings.

i have decided to take a hiatus from tv this summer. there's just too much junk being aired. and since i've been in a creative slump and feeling a bit depressed, i figured taking a break from tv would help. plus, i'm surrounding myself with positivity....things that will fill me emotionally and spiritually. i've noticed my attitude has done a 180 since spending the weekend in the sun. it's been in the 70s and this sista is loving every minute of it.

currently reading maya angelou's autobiography (all four books). she's such an amazing woman. i'm inspired by her.

also reading the artist's way. i'm working on week 1 and i already want to close the book and never look at it again. one of the questions i'm working on is:
time travel: list three old enemies of your creative self-worth. please be as specific as possible. Your historic monsters are the building blocks of your core negative beliefs....

needless to say, i've been a little stuck.

my socks are coming along nicely. i've already chosen the person i'm giving them too. i'll make sure to take pictures of them before they head off to cold bay, alaska.

have you listened to gnarls barkley yet?

blessings.

appreciative

thank god for the sun. i'm at my parents' house watching lil miss help my dad plant flowers. i'm headed to the patio to sit on the glider and knit my sock in the sun.

it's a good day.

our deepest fear

our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. it is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. we ask ourselves, who am i to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?

actually, who are you not to be? you are a child of god. your playing small doesn't serve the world. there's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. we were born to make manifest the glory of god that is within us. it's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. as we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

-marianne williamson (a return to love 1992)


i gotta read this book.

carl jung says...

"art is innate in the artist, like an instinct that seizes and makes a tool out of the human being. the thing in the final analysis that wills something in him is not he, the personal man, but the aim of the art."

this man's name has been popping up a lot in the last couple of weeks. the latest was in a magazine. think i need to research him and see what he's about.

i started knitting a sock today. i'm hoping this will trigger any ounce of creativity i have left in my body.

i have been wanting to post something, but so much has been going on in my personal life that i haven't been able to think straight.

i just know that i'm tired of being tired. getting up in the morning is such a chore. i would rather stay within the comfort of my bed, than to go out into the world. i'm fighting that feeling though. i'm doing my best not to become a hermit.

creatively, i'm stuck. i want so badly to get my business of the ground again, but i am not inspired to make anything. maybe i'm done and b-flywears is a thing of the past. and maybe this is a cue for me to try something different. i don't know.

i have been trying my hand at gardening. i'm growing some herbs and various flowers the kids picked out. and i'm reading too...a lot.

i gotta find some sort of peace. clarity. i'm so not focused right now and it's killing me.

oh i forgot to mention...through all of the mess, i have been going to the gym faithfully. i've lost 8 lbs. so far and my arms are getting toned (biceps baby!). it's been slow moving, but i am noticing a difference in my body.

more later...

lord, give me strength.

Easter 2006

Easter 2006, originally uploaded by butta.fly.

got gmail?

i have some gmail invites available...more than i know what to do with actually. if ya interested give me your e.mail addy and i'll send you one.

y'all i am on a mission to lose 75lbs. yep, ya read correctly...75lbs. when i tell ppl that, all i hear is "that's a lot" or "are you sure that's not too much?" well, it took me 8 years to put on all of this weight, so it's time to get rid of it. my health is on the line and i'm tired of looking at a closet full of clothes that don't fit (really cute clothes!). i re-joined the gym yesterday...got my sweat on today. it's most definitely on!!

babygirl is turning 13 on sunday. it's trippin me out man. lil miss is talking a mile a minute. she brings smiles to our face everyday.

check out twinkie chan. her crocheted scarves are bananas (lol!).

right now, it's all about:
my cypress hair oil
madvillian!
lil miss singing "orange moon"
downward facing dog
craisins
think and grow rich
warmer days
SUN!

i have spent the last five days in the middle of nowhere, amongst the deer, squirrels, cardinals, woodpeckers, and rabbits. breathing west virginian air did a sista good. my mind is clear and i feel at peace. lots of things have been going on in my life since my last post. the universe is basically hitting me over the head with a cast iron skillet and i'm finally ready to handle business and do what's best for me. this might sound vague, but just know i am well.