dance of the infidel is beautiful.

witnessed

i overheard lil miss having a conversation with another girl last nite. it amazes me to see how much she's learned since being born. she will be turning three next month. i decided to have a party for her and all she can talk about is eating her birhtday cake. i'm grateful to have her as apart of our family. can i get her potty trained? that's a whole 'nutha blog post.

i'm currently on a mission to get rid of all the clutter in my house. i am also cleaning (like scrubbing floors type of clean) and reorganizing every closet and drawer. i've got a zillion magazines that i need to get rid of. what should i do with them? i thought about taking pictures i like and decoupaging a box or two. i don't know. i'm taking suggestions.

i know this blog has been lacking pictures, but i have been having problems with my camera lately. i'm not able to transfer pictures to my computer for some reason.

anyway i've come to the conclusion that i will have to get another job so i can get a handle on my debt. it's something i've been avoiding for a long time, but now it's a make or break situation now.

affirmation for today: i've got the skills to pay the bills!!

love. light.

maaaaaannnn!

i got pulled over this morning by the finest piece of tall chocolate i have seen in a long while.

the whole situation was funny to me...after i dropped lil miss off at the sitter's, i was cruisin through the neighborhood feeling GOOD. the sun was shining, it was already 60 degrees (this was 8am), and i was looking and feeling really cute. sizzla was blasting in the ride and i was groovin'........and going about 60 mph on a 30 mph street. it wasn't intentional. i just have a lead foot sometimes when i'm driving (i need a freeway or two in my life-or maybe i should get into race car driving). while i'm groovin', i see the unmarked police car chillin on the side of the road. man, me and dude were looking right at each other (with our sunglasses on). as i got closer to him i was like "oh snap!" "he's going to pull me over." sho' nuff he did. he didn't even pull out of his spot right away. he just flashed his lights and that was that. all i could do was laugh. i knew i was speeding (not that much though, honestly). when he came to my window i had my license and registration ready. i greeted him with one of my big smiles and said, "good morning".

he was really nice (those lips...my goodness those lips!). he probably thought i was the biggest goof. i'm thankful because he gave me a warning on the speed. however, he didn't let me off completely because didn't have my insurance card handy (i know i have because i saw it in my purse the other day). so i did get a ticket for that. $110 is sooooo much better than $230, ya think? anyway, i thanked him and slooooooowly drove off.

my day was great after that. how was yours?

since i'm surrounding my self with positivity, that means my thoughts and words must be positive as well.

it's hard. i'm struggling right now.

using affirmations too. today it's: i am making my life beautiful!


blessings.

i have decided to take a hiatus from tv this summer. there's just too much junk being aired. and since i've been in a creative slump and feeling a bit depressed, i figured taking a break from tv would help. plus, i'm surrounding myself with positivity....things that will fill me emotionally and spiritually. i've noticed my attitude has done a 180 since spending the weekend in the sun. it's been in the 70s and this sista is loving every minute of it.

currently reading maya angelou's autobiography (all four books). she's such an amazing woman. i'm inspired by her.

also reading the artist's way. i'm working on week 1 and i already want to close the book and never look at it again. one of the questions i'm working on is:
time travel: list three old enemies of your creative self-worth. please be as specific as possible. Your historic monsters are the building blocks of your core negative beliefs....

needless to say, i've been a little stuck.

my socks are coming along nicely. i've already chosen the person i'm giving them too. i'll make sure to take pictures of them before they head off to cold bay, alaska.

have you listened to gnarls barkley yet?

blessings.

appreciative

thank god for the sun. i'm at my parents' house watching lil miss help my dad plant flowers. i'm headed to the patio to sit on the glider and knit my sock in the sun.

it's a good day.

our deepest fear

our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. it is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. we ask ourselves, who am i to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?

actually, who are you not to be? you are a child of god. your playing small doesn't serve the world. there's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. we were born to make manifest the glory of god that is within us. it's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. as we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

-marianne williamson (a return to love 1992)


i gotta read this book.

carl jung says...

"art is innate in the artist, like an instinct that seizes and makes a tool out of the human being. the thing in the final analysis that wills something in him is not he, the personal man, but the aim of the art."

this man's name has been popping up a lot in the last couple of weeks. the latest was in a magazine. think i need to research him and see what he's about.

i started knitting a sock today. i'm hoping this will trigger any ounce of creativity i have left in my body.

i have been wanting to post something, but so much has been going on in my personal life that i haven't been able to think straight.

i just know that i'm tired of being tired. getting up in the morning is such a chore. i would rather stay within the comfort of my bed, than to go out into the world. i'm fighting that feeling though. i'm doing my best not to become a hermit.

creatively, i'm stuck. i want so badly to get my business of the ground again, but i am not inspired to make anything. maybe i'm done and b-flywears is a thing of the past. and maybe this is a cue for me to try something different. i don't know.

i have been trying my hand at gardening. i'm growing some herbs and various flowers the kids picked out. and i'm reading too...a lot.

i gotta find some sort of peace. clarity. i'm so not focused right now and it's killing me.

oh i forgot to mention...through all of the mess, i have been going to the gym faithfully. i've lost 8 lbs. so far and my arms are getting toned (biceps baby!). it's been slow moving, but i am noticing a difference in my body.

more later...

lord, give me strength.